This Has Been Happening Since Then?
by RMNicki
Summary: When the attack on the Academy happens, it triggers suppressed memories in Rose that cause her to fall into some dangerous habits. So, when Lissa catches her hiding food, she confronts had and brings Dimitri into it, what does he do? Smut. One Shot! Love it, Like it, Rate it, Review it!


Every night. It was every night. I could never escape the guilt I had over being the reason Mason was dead, how Dimitri had almost been killed in the attack, how everyone around me was sorrow filled after all the casualties. I had lost control over almost everything in my life and it hit me hard. The darkness didn't help.  
But, now I had control, over something in my life. What I ate.

I prepared myself, shutting down any of my emotions, Lissa had wanted me to meet her in a small café on campus.

You have control. That small voice in my head murmured, comfortingly. I put on my guardians' mask and walked into the small restaurant thing. It was relieving to see the café was empty…classes are in session…I realized. I wondered if Lissa had made this voice for a reason.

I sat down in front of her, right as a waitress walked out, and sat food in front of us, great. I took a deep breath and ignored what my body wanted.

You have control.

Lissa took a few bites, the silence became slightly uncomfortable, but maybe it was just me, because she seemed perfectly fine.

"Not hungry?" She asked, her voice seemed skeptical, and I was immediately on guard, there was suspicion from her through the bond.

"What is it Liss, why are we here?" I whispered, changing the subject,

She sighed, "I know what you're doing, Rose. I saw you hiding food the other day at lunch."  
I shook my head, exasperatedly, like she didn't know what she was talking about and stood.

"I gotta go Liss, I've got to get to training."

She stood and stood in my way, "Rose…"

"Let it go, Lissa." I warned.

Then I saw Dimitri, and my heart swelled, god no…now he knew about this too. She had brought him in on purpose.

"Nothing is wrong Lissa." I whispered, she grabbed my arm and I faced her quickly, Dimitri was closer now.

"You're not eating Rose! What!? You think I don't see it!? You're starving yourself! The baggy clothes…I saw you hide food the other day when you were with Adrian-" I met Dimitri's eyes for only a moment, and I could see him searching my body, fully observing my jeans and black hoodie, that obscured me. I had lost about 13 pounds in the last 3 weeks, since the attack. I had to get out of here.

I cut her off, "Let me go." I rasped. I yanked my arm free, and turned away from her, tears slipping down my cheeks.

You have control.

I faintly heard Lissa say, "Dimitri…please don't let her leave. She'll kill herself."

"I'm not going to." He said. _Shit. Shit. Shit._

I began to run towards the door, but Dimitri intercepted me, and caught me around the waist, lifting me easily from the ground.  
"No! Let me go!" I cried, fighting him, but he knew I was weak, he bent me over a table, and pinned me quickly,  
"Stop, Rose." He said.  
His hand slipped beneath my shirt, and I was immediately on guard as the familiar electricity flooded through me, then I knew why he was doing this. I cried out and struggled harder, but he stayed careful and stayed out of my range, he ran his hand over my spine and then around across my ribs as he checked to see how much weight I had lost, he knew my body better than anyone. That's why I had been avoiding him the most I could the past few weeks. I knew it hurt him, but I didn't want to bring him down, by being around him like I knew I would. He knew something was up though,  
"Damnit Roza." He growled, then he took the back of my shirt in his hand and pulled it up.  
"Do you have to sedate her, Dimitri?" Lissa whispered.  
"Yes. There's no way she'll cooperate if we don't. I know her." He said.  
Sedate me? "NO!" I cried loudly, struggling harder, tears forming in my eyes, as he took the waist band of my jeans in his hand and yanked them down slightly,  
"Dimitri, don't! Let me go!" I cried, a begging tone sneaking it's way into my voice.  
"Hush." He said, cleaning the spot,  
"Please…Dimitri…" I begged, squirming in his strong grip.  
"I love you Roza, I won't stand back and watch you do this to yourself." He said quietly, then inserted the needle.  
He kept me pinned where I was until I was too dazed to make a move, and the last thing I felt was him pick me up bridal style.

When I woke, I was lying in a bed in a room I recognized as Dimitri's. What had happened earlier bombarded me, suddenly. _Shit._ Lissa had figured out my secret, and when I'd went to leave the confrontation, Dimitri had restrained me, and _sedated_ me!  
Damn…he was right though, if he hadn't, I would have made a run for it. Like I was going to now.  
I sat up in the bed, and stood quickly, nearly falling when it set my world to spinning…like it always did, only this time it was worse, and I stumbled, hitting the bedside table, and it hit the wall. I shook it off, and looked around the room. They must not have expected to be up and around this quick, because there was no one in the room with me.  
I walked over to the window and opened it quickly, it wasn't like I hadn't climbed out of windows before. I was facing away from the open court, so I was obscured from others view. I swung my leg over and straddled the ledge.  
The climb down was surprisingly similar to the climb I'd made during the attack, only this time I didn't have as much strength, and fell the last 8 or so feet, and hit the ground and stumbled, landing on my hip and side of my thigh, the sharp pain knocked the breath out of me for a moment, and I slowly breathed through the pain, and stood, I was behind the building now, and I turned towards my left, I moved towards the corner, and heard the footsteps behind me as my right arm was grabbed, I gasped and turned quickly, about to strike out, when Dimitri's eyes met mine.  
I swallowed nervously…busted. Dimitri put his phone to his ear,  
"I got her Celeste, thank you."  
He hung up his phone…and I could see in his eyes, I was in trouble. Big trouble.  
"Dimitri…" I whispered, he grabbed my upper arm, and dragged me like a child back towards the front entrance.  
Before, we turned the corner, he turned me around to face him, "If you try to run from me, I will throw you over my shoulder, and carry you back. Do you understand me?"  
I looked down, and hesitated,  
"Answer me, Rose." He said, sternly, tightening his grip on my arm,  
"Yes…yes I understand." I whispered, he nodded, and took my chin in his hand, tilting my chin up,  
"I'm doing this for your safety, Roza." He said gently, and pressed his lips to mine, my heart swelled and I kissed him back, and too soon he had to pull away, he pressed a kiss to my forehead.  
"Come on." He said,  
"Do you have to hold onto my like this?" I asked, "I feel like a child."  
"Good." He replied,  
I knew better than to try and run again, he'd catch me easily especially considering I was injured, and I would only be getting myself in more trouble.  
The guardians already knew about us, and our relationship wasn't being kept a secret anymore, except from other students and Moroi, so there wasn't really a way to get out of my current predicament.  
How had he even found out that I'd left? Then I realized…Celeste had been standing at his door earlier, she had alerted him when she'd heard the nightstand hit the wall, and I hadn't been in there when she went in.  
he led me back up to his room, and shut and locked the door behind us.  
"You got hurt when you fell." He stated,  
"N-"  
"Don't lie to me, Roza." He said, "Take your pants off."  
"No, Dimitri I-"  
He sighed, "Don't make me take them off for you."  
This was a part I was not looking forward to. Him seeing me undressed would mean him seeing how much weight I'd lost. I knew it wasn't too bad, but I was still ashamed.  
"This is the only thing I have control over." I whispered.  
He walked forward and pulled me into his arms.  
"There are plenty of things that are in your control Roza," He said and I felt his fingers push up my hoodie. I closed my eyes tightly, "But when it starts to hurt you," He undid my jeans, "I'm going to step in."  
He slowly pulled my jeans down watching my reaction,  
"You're okay." He said, gently helping me with my right leg. He ran his fingers along my thigh and I sighed,  
"This is going to be a painful bruise." He said gently. He stood and pulled my shirt up with him.  
"No!" I whispered, taking it in my hands,  
He stood and pressed his lips to mine,  
"Trust me, Roza." He said gently.  
He pulled my shirt up, and this time I didn't pull it back down, when it was gone, he didn't look at my body the way I expected he would, he just pulled me into his arms, and stroked my hair, and I began to cry, he pulled me down, onto the bed, holding me in his arms, and I just sobbed into his shirt.  
"Ssshhh." He said, holding me tightly, "Talk to me, Roza."  
I tried to catch my breath for a few minutes, "With Mason…it's my fault he's dead Dimitri, if I'd kept my damn mouth shut-" He propped himself up, so he was looking down at me,  
"This has been going on since then?" He asked, genuine sadness and fear in his eyes.  
"No…" I whispered, "It's just with the attack and all, and seeing all those people die….I – I don't know."  
"It brought it all back, and your shaming yourself for it again."  
I looked down, avoiding his gaze, but it didn't do much, because he tilted my chin up until I was looking at him.  
"It was not your fault Roza." He said softly, "You both made decisions that day." He brushed the hair out of my face,  
"I know but I shouldn't have-"  
he put his hand over my mouth, "Stop." He said, sternly, "Don't do that. You know better." He gave me a look, "That's how this job works, you did everything you could that day, you were only…what 16?"  
I looked away again, and he gripped my chin once more, and forced me to look at him, "Are you hearing me Rose? Because, I have different ways of getting through to you."  
I had plenty ideas of how he could _get through to me, _and most of them weren't pleasant.  
He traced patterns into my bare back, I could have stayed like that forever, but a few minutes later, and he sat up, slowly, pulling me with him.  
I couldn't meet his gaze, standing in only my panties and bra, I was never one to be self conscious.  
"Look at me." He said gently.  
I shook my head, and he sighed, "Alright, we'll do this the hard way then." He said, I expected him to make me look at him again, instead, I felt his fingers hook on the waistband of my panties.  
I grabbed for them, I grabbed for them and was nearly successful but he caught my wrists, and gave me a warning look, and I conceded to what he wanted.  
He didn't say a word, as he let go of my wrists and went back to pulling down my panties again, this time I didn't fight him, he reached for my bra next, and I closed my eyes, as he stripped me completely naked. He ran his hands over my body, and I sighed against his touch, I had missed this…so much.  
He leaned down, "I have something not so pleasant we need to do."  
I looked up at him,  
"Come with me." He said gently, taking my hand in his, pulling me towards the bathroom, he shut the door behind us quickly, and locking it. I was confused then I saw the scale.  
"No…" I whispered.  
"We're not leaving until you get up there, Roza."  
"Please…I don't want to." I whispered.  
"I know. I know. But we need to make sure." He gave me a dangerous look, "_Or_ I can take you down to the clinic."  
Tears filled my eyes,  
"Oh Roza." He whispered, pulling me into his arms, he rocked me back and forth for a few minutes, then I pulled away, I looked towards the scale, and walked towards it, when Dimitri grabbed my hips, and turned me around, and lead me backwards,  
"Dimitri… I can han-"  
Ha gave me a light hearted swat, and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed him passionately, the fact that I was already naked, probably pushed my persuasion further.  
"Ah, ah, ah, nice try," He said, "Step up." He said, I sighed and did as he said, he looked behind me,  
"Alright."  
"Can I look?" I asked, looking into his eyes, he didn't even give it a second thought,  
"No."  
"Dimitri…" I whined, he gave me a small amused smile, and took my hand in his, pulling me towards the door, I looked back, and he swatted me again, and I gasped,  
"I'm slowly losing my control Roza, your beauty is getting to me." I turned and smiled at him, with my man eater smile.  
"What? But I thought you said you had 10x the amount as I did when it came to self control." I said innocently.  
"That I did, I also said, that I would do things that would make you lose yours in seconds." He said pushing me down on to the bed, and spreading my legs…


End file.
